Today I had my first appointment with Dr Devine where I traded at least 30 pages of my referral paperwork for 5 pages of tests to start trying to sort out my hormones. Maddie behaved awesomely for the whole 45 minute appointment while I was bombarded with crazy amounts of information which I am still trying to process. There is so much to consider with fertility treatment and finding the cause of any issues, that it is still mind boggling hours later. After a 45 minute appointment I am exhausted trying to remember and understand everything that is to come, and feeling kind of fuzzy about the diagnosis of secondary infertility. Fuzzy probably isn't the right word, its more like complete bewilderment and something that I cant seem to get my head around. Despite knowing people that are or have gone through fertility treatment and having done some research, I feel totally unprepared, ignorant, overwhelmed, terrified, and today, alone, despite having my awesome family and friends around me.
I attempted to get the first lot of tests done after my appointment but apparently the Pathologists machine is broken and they said no other clinics are currently doing those tests. I think that one is to check my egg count, I wonder how they do that, its insane the things that blood can tell. Next cycle day 8 I have my first of between 5 and 7 blood tests to track my hormones, and if it all looks good I will be given a trigger shot to help ovulation to occur. What the hell that is, I really dont know, as I didn't think to ask anything important at my appointment, which means that I have no idea what half the things we discussed are, let alone any of the procedures that will occur. Hopefully before the next appointment I will be armed with some questions to ask so I know a little bit more of what to expect from the processes we will go through, but for now, I just feel overwhelmed and want to go to sleep.
I gave a lot of thought as to whether to run with this blog or go with something different for the day as I know it goes on line for anyone to read, and fertility treatment is so personal. Clearly I ended up going with this, not just for me to be able to look back on in the future, but also as a way for me to get my thoughts out of my head and hopefully coherent enough that it all starts to make sense. I'm not closed to discussing my treatment at all, or anything like that, but it is a weird topic that no one really talks about. I guess that is what is good about this Blog, it is for me, and if people don't want to read it, they don't have to, but if they do, then it is there for them to see.
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